The coffee lovers will commiserate with me

The last few days this week, I’ve woken up crabby.   Luckily my first instinct is to pray; run to Him in the chaos of my fleshly thoughts.  I was able to shake off my funk on Thursday, but waking up Friday, I was just out to make the world miserable- forgive me, but that was the state of my heart. 

I wanted to be miserable because they only served hard boiled eggs for breakfast and I was tired of not having any control over selecting my breakfast.  I was angry because the coffee just doesn’t taste good to me.  It tastes burnt and strong and the milk we use just doesn’t quite taste like half and half from home.  I decided to cop an attitude in my heart about cleaning today, and I ended up getting splashed in the eye with our cleaning solution.  I wasn’t being careful and was too close to people cleaning the ceiling (don’t worry, Mom, my eye is fine).  I decided to be crabby because Friday was waffle Friday and all I wanted was to drown my woes in a Nutella and raspberry filled waffle.  By the time we went on morning break, someone had bought a ton of waffles.  They were calling number 22, and when I went to purchase one, they were at card 71.  I was never going to get a waffle within our 30 minute break. 

My heart was ugly, I craved someone to pray for and with me, but I couldn’t find someone in that moment.  We were busy, it just wasn’t happening.

Then, God made me stop so He could show me His grace.

We were sitting down waiting for waffles when one of the long term nurses struck up a conversation with me.  I was partially not paying attention because I was also in my “pouty 2-year old” mentality still, emailing my mom about my woes.  This nurse kept talking to me though, we commiserated over the coffee situation, she understood where I was coming from.  Her and some other people normally shared French pressed coffee during break; they knew what they were doing. 

I was thrilled that she had learned how to bypass this coffee dilemma, but it still left me without a French press and good coffee.  At that, the nurse that bought a bunch of waffles came up to our table, seeing I didn’t have a card yet, she offered me a free waffle and my card number was 31!  I was going to get a waffle before everyone else.   And on top of that, Deb told me they sell French presses at the Shop Rite right outside the port.  And double on top of that, she offered me some ground coffee of hers to use when I did get a press.  Though I politely told her I had no problem buying some, I had a brand new bag of medium roast coffee sitting on my bed by the end of the day.

Boy, did I feel dumb and ashamed.

My “creature comforts” were taking first place in deciding my mood for the day and my true colors came out in the meantime.  I spent so much time wallowing in my pity, being bitter and searching for words to pray, that I forgot our Lord has an abundant supply of grace and I just needed to open myself to accept it.

I know there’s refining going on here, He’s making me pure as gold, without blemish.  He loves me too much to leave me where I was when I first left VA to come here.  He’s breaking me of my self reliance, my pride, my selfishness.  I need to learn how to let those things go, to be content with God first and foremost and to be content in plenty and in want.  

I spent time in Ephesians 2 today and studied how often the word “grace” was mentioned in verses 1-10.  It’s mentioned three times.  Firstly, it says “by grace you have been saved” this is because of God’s great love and richness in mercy when we were all dead in our sins.  He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead.  Next, Paul mentions how we were raised up and seated with Christ in the heavenly realms in order that in the coming ages He might show the incomparable richness of His grace, expressed in His kindness to us in Christ.  And lastly, in verse 8 he mentions again ‘by grace you have been saved, through faith, and this not of yourself, it is a gift from God, not by works so no one can boast’ (summarized in my own words).

Grace was in this from the beginning and it follows us through our walks with Christ.  It isn’t a bonus I get now that I know Jesus.  Grace is the whole reason I can know a life-giving, life-saving Savior and be here serving on MS, processing these events.  His grace in my missing coffee and receiving a fresh bag of Starbucks is an example of His kindness expressed to me through Christ- as small a gift as it is, I love Him that much more for it.  His grace is necessary for as long as I am on this earth, I just need to humble myself to accept it.  My dependence needs to be on Him more than myself, and release the “cookie cutter” version of myself I want to display for everyone.

The other thing in this too is that there was nothing I could do to get myself out of my funk.  It was all God’s grace that changed my attitude.  His grace is quieting, it stills you, like a tight hug when you feel like your body is trying to go a thousand places at once. There’s definitely more to this lesson, but for now I’m enjoying the walk with my Lord.