In full confidence I can see how the Lord has purposed this time of waiting thus far. Since finding out Mercy Ships would not be traveling to Benin, the Lord has worked on my heart a good bit. I've been reading a book a friend gave me last Christmas, "Prodigal God" by Tim Keller. The book has revealed sin that has inhabited my heart for several years now. I've sought forgiveness from my Lord and experienced glorious freedom from that part of my life.
This week, I found out I may not be leaving for Africa when I thought I would be leaving, again. I immediately felt a wave of panic fall over me (Gosh, any chance the enemy gets to worm his way into my thoughts, he takes the opportunity). One of my favorite music artists, Josh Garrels, has a song titled "Pilot Me." I find myself singing the lyrics often. It's a short song, but repeats "Savior, pilot me," several times. Luckily, this song has been stuck in my head for the past several days- so what a great reminder I've had to counteract the enemy.
That being said, the Father has known what I wanted this experience to look like. I wanted to end my job at the hospital a month before I left, have some time to relax and be with friends before I would depart for 7 months. Financially I would be set and sent off to Africa. Nuh-uh, that is not the way my flight has taken off. I've had to slowly realize and come to terms with who the real Pilot is. I've had to realize I don't even get the title of co-pilot either. I am straight up passenger, without rights to enter the cockpit.
But how capable is my God to handle this take off? Why would I even want to attempt to take control out of the hands of my almighty and sovereign Pilot? He knew that path the Israelites would take out of Egypt before they even set one foot on their journey. He knew the Red Sea would be parted at the 11th hour when the Egyptians would be right on their tails. God knew He was going to make them travel for 40 years when their trip should have been 10 days. And He remained the same loving God through it all.
My journey has already been laid out. When my plans don't go as expected, it doesn't mean God isn't any less faithful, it just shows me how selfish I am. I frequently remind myself my job isn't to pilot, it's simply to walk and be obedient. The Lord knows where I want to end up, but He's the one who decides how and when I get there. Proverbs 16:9 "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord established his steps."
"When I have no more strength left to follow, Savior pilot me."
