During one of my quiet times recently, I was crying out to the Lord through deep emotion. I like to pray in visions sometimes, and this time took the scene of a long road trip, it represented the most recent chapter of my life.
Since graduating college and moving back home to start a job at the local hospital to pay off student loans and get some nursing experience, my "drive" has been smooth. It certainly felt like I was driving through some torrential rain at times, made me pull off to the side of the road, question if this was the road I wanted to continue pursuing. Sitting on the side of the road during torrential rain gives you some time to collect thoughts, mutter some frustrations, sing to some songs on the radio, appreciate the rain and its benefits and sometimes wish the rain would just pass already so one could get to sunnier skies. That's exactly what I did with the Lord; there were times of praise, frustrations and just begging Him to move me on to something else.
Needless to say, I learned some importance lessons in those downpours. I learned the Lord loves to hear from me. I learned patience not only with myself, but with people. I learned the Lord walks with me whether I invite Him next to me or not. He is so faithful.
After finishing my work at the hospital in preparation for traveling to the Mercy Ship, I'd say my road trip has been pleasant. Fundraising was great, the Lord answered with abundant support. I got to spend quality time with my sister and her boyfriend, tend to my garden, pickle cucumbers for the first time, I participated in one of my best friend's wedding- I've had it great waiting in anticipation for my new and thrilling next adventure.
My sunny skies and clear road haven't gone away, but I've proceeded to a segment of road where there's a canyon. The only way to cross the canyon is by bridge, and in my current situation the bridge has been destroyed. I'm not starting with Mercy Ships as previously planned. Don't get me wrong, the view still remains beautiful, but now I am faced with the frustrating situation of figuring my way over the canyon, and I am frantic. Looking up to the Lord I don't know if He will rebuild this bridge, if my car is going to sprout wings and I'll soar over the canyon or whether He's just waiting for me to calm down long enough to tell me there's a plane He's hidden in the woods for me to use.
The Lord recently answered one of my questions I had begged of Him with "Just wait." But how true does that ring to my current aggravation? It's like He knew I would be asking Him again "What do I do right now?" God's sense of humor gets me every time, what a knee slapper.
There are a lot of things I was looking forward to leaving in Virginia at the end of August. New and old struggles, some things I would like time apart from. But my plan of peacefully crossing the bridge is gone, I need the Lord to dictate what's next. I need the Lord to purpose my days until I get to leave. I need the Lord to provide for me financially again until I leave, I need more patience for the struggles that I'm facing emotionally, I need to trust that I'll be okay today, because Daddy has already figured out all those answers.
The day before I received the news I wouldn't be leaving according to plan, a special friend gave me a verse the Lord had put on their heart regarding another trying situation that had happened. Helping me realize the Lord's presence in my life Hosea 2:14 says "I want to draw Emily away and speak tenderly to her. I want to call her out of her woundedness and restore her heart. (obviously a little adapted)" In addition they also gave me Psalm 40:2,3 "He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing, and hymn of praise to our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They will put their trust in The Lord."
I'm quieted when I realize the kind of Dad I am in the presence of. He knows how bad I want to get across the canyon, but I'm believing He has more in store for me as I work with Him and learn His ways through the plan He has already set in motion. He took me to Proverbs 15 today and it says in vs 32 "If you reject discipline, you only harm yourself; but if you listen to correction, you grow in understanding."
Needless to say, He's got my attention, I'm ready to learn and be refined.
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