Same country, round two. It's like I never left. There was some hesitancy about whether I was spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically prepared to come back for this month, but my heart took no time at all to realign itself with Mercy Ships and the country and people of Madagascar.
The month leading up to being here has been hard- again. After ending my job for the summer, I found out my service dates were going to be delayed two and a half weeks. The vision I had for coming back to the ship quickly faded. What I hoped for this time was no longer a sure plan, disappointed would be an understatement.
After a delay and shortened service dates, things dont look much like I intended, so the Lord has repeatedly reminded me that although I present an organized and well thought out outline- signed, sealed and delivered- of my intentions for my time on the ship, He still has the thoughts and the ways that are higher than mine. Some other areas He's teaching me this same lesson lately: I didn't get the job I wanted at home and I don't have many prospects for when I go back, I didn't get the amount of time I wanted with Mercy Ships, the plastics specialty is getting severely downsized this first part of the service due to the surgeon being unable to get here for several weeks, thus I likely won't be taking care of people in this specialty that I love.
All my well thought out plans have been tossed into the air, and I just have to sit patiently and continue seeking out Jesus. At first reaction I want to pout, thinking I know better, that my time is jaded in some way; as if the Lord has ever disappointed me before. My time with the ship last field service was so rich with deeper revelations and lessons the Lord taught me, how could I think any different for this go around? About all I've managed in the last month is to keep turning to scripture and leaning into the Lord, not always happily I might add. I've felt myself pulling back the effort and time I put into knowing Him, it's horrible, but my heart is so prone to wandering.
But man, even amongst all my questioning and doubt, even then, the Lord displays His presence and His love. I wouldn't have rekindled a relationship with my Dad if I left on time, he wouldn't have been the one to take me to the airport and see me off, I wouldn't have been a part of evaluating all our plastics patients from last year- welcoming a warehouse full of smiling people and functioning limbs that only a year ago were stuck to their body and brought shame and embarrassment to them and their family.
This has been a blessing in the most exponential, tsunami form. God displaying the work He has done months after leaving this country, to us, His children who are just trying to be obedient to His will after several delays and reports of bad news and changes- which is so hard! We got to hear shouts of worship from patients today while they embraced with old friends, Malagasy and Mercy Ships crew, settled right back into praising with us; the Body, the church came together today. We got to spend time sitting with people who just months ago wore hospital gowns for weeks on end, now talking about what kind of job they want to get, who they are dating, celebrating 10 fingers, seeing faces literally glow on people who cant stop smiling because they are so happy with their surgery. One of the questions we asked them was "How much did Jesus play a role in your care?" and practically everyone just had to give the glory back to the Lord, their reliance on Him, needing to pray everyday; that's the best response we could ever ask for. They are making their way in life and the Lord is walking so close with them, and they know it! It's always hard to let our patients go, but having this little checkup on them was so merciful of our God. He didn't have to do that, but He reminded us He's got it all under control.
Again I'm left with the question "How could I ever doubt You?" but God answers in love. I forget who my strength comes from while I wait, I forget promises, I forget faith. I try to give in drops while He returns His gifts in waves.
Less than a week in, I'm already so grateful. No doubt The Lord has more to show me, but seeing our plastics patients return today was the cake with icing on top...and a great cup of coffee. Even amongst the setbacks, the Lord is present and making a way for us. The enemy is figthing hard, but His saints are the ones who will stand firm against the struggle. Light always exposes the darkness and makes it visible.
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will no fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." Psalm 37:23,24
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