Mercy Ship Christmas

Christmas morning outside my door!

What a unique Christmas!  If I’m being totally honest, it was the hardest day I’ve had here yet, dealing with homesickness.  Christmas was celebrated all day on the ship, much different than our Thanksgiving celebration.  I don’t think I was quite prepared for all the love and food and celebrating amongst everyone on the ship.   It started with a light, but beautiful pastry breakfast spread with coffee and tea, mid morning brunch with our dining area decorated and complete with table cloths and settings and then dinner if you could handle any more food.  I was honestly prepared to sort of celebrate with a few friends then maybe hibernate and watch a Christmas movie in my PJ’s sent from home.  My day looked much different than that.

My nephew looking studly

My sister Facetimed me at midnight in Madagascar (still the 24^th in VA), in time for me to watch our church service at home.  I was able to watch my niece and nephew perform their songs at the front of the stage, just like I was there.  It was totally unplanned, I was literally in bed about to turn my light off when I saw my sister calling.  I woke up the next morning and was able to Facetime home while they were still on Christmas Eve, shared my first cup of coffee for the morning with them, just like we would’ve on Christmas day.  It was a sweet conversation, left my heart so full, but torn.  It was hard to embrace my Mercy Ship family here when all I wanted to do was embrace my family and friends in Virginia.  We went to church in the community that morning, and I struggled through the whole thing; tears and frustration with myself for not appreciating this opportunity more.

Never witnessed a nativity like this one; guns, masks and swords were involved.

Just part of our brunch spread

It helped to come back and have Christmas brunch with friends, then watch The Nativity movie with my roommate; it felt a little more normal.  Then later that night we had “open cabins” where several families and couples keep their cabin doors open for visitors and treats and conversation.  This also made Christmas feel a little more normal because it was exactly what I would’ve done with my family around a fire in the evening; share desserts and laughs and stories from the day.

The day after Christmas I went on a weekend trip with a few friends.  We traveled South and stayed in some bungalows a few hours away at a huge lake, slept in mosquito nets, fell asleep to the sound of Malagasy bugs and birds.  We hiked and laid on the shore, explored as much around the lake as we could, made a few friends, star gazed and just enjoyed each other’s company.  We had many laughs, deep conversations, and felt rejuvenated to come back to the ship.

It has been hard not working as a nurse for the last two weeks, really hard.  I’ve almost been tempted to call it boredom, but that’s also my pride weaseling its way to the surface.  I’ve needed several reality checks and humbling prayer times with the Lord.  It’s also hard because I enjoy being busy, it’s hard to have down time when I don’t want it.  I like being with patients and having a full hospital and talking to our day crew and feel like my days have purpose.  I need frequent reminders that “purpose” in my head doesn’t always look like the same purpose the Lord has in mind, and His is always better.  So, I don’t want to wish this time away, but I definitely need to find balance. 

What I have come away with from this Christmas season is that I love my family a whole lot, and they love me too.  They blessed me above and beyond anything I could ever hope to offer them.  Then I introspect and realize the Lord continues to do the same thing.  God has enjoyed blessing me abundantly and frequently here; through my patients, friends, roommate, day crew, coffee, clothes from the boutique, prayer time, weekend trips…etc,  and I am so quick to doubt that His blessings will stop just because I feel like my time here has lacked purpose during the holiday season.  This is a lie, and Psalm 51 has been a huge help to me; “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place…cleanse me with hyssop and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow…restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me.”

 These several verses have made a deep impact in my heart.  My soul clings to these promises that the Lord wants the truth of my heart, both sinful and righteous thoughts.  I believe He wants these truths exposed so that I can rejoice in them and/or have the Lord speak wisdom into these thoughts.  Big or small sins, the Lord has the capacity to cleanse.  I want to continue through this dry season on the ship in full faith and confidence that because I have sought the Lord He will make straight my heart, cleanse what is not good and direct me where I have strayed.  I also believe the Lord will grant a willing spirit to sustain me.  Where I have lost my luster for the Kingdom or my role here, God can restore and renew and sustain.  He's left me with greater hope today than I have had over the past few days.  He is so good.